The Papaya Dilemma!
by Juunigatsu
Summary: Based on a dream I had once. I dreamt that I was Van Flyhieght and I was traveling with Raven through a desert. Full of nonsense and petty bickerings between the two! (In a non-yaoi way.) In the end they were fighting over...


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Notes: This idea has come to me in a **dream**. I find it extremely nonsensical that I had just have to write it out. You can say that anything happens in the story does not happen in the series itself.

Rest assured, before hysterical, overzealous fans begins "Hey this ain't happen in the series! I'm smarter than you, ya asshole of a writer!" wise-cracks fiasco, this is just a **HUMOUR **fic. It was written to make you laugh, if not smile and takes off the daily human stress you gotten from those hideous, nasty studies from teachers. (I assume you're all students.) Relax and enjoy. I'm blessed that I dreamt of the bishonen of Zoids! = ^_^ = 

Ah and one more note is that in this dream of mine, I dreamt that I was Van Flyheight. O_o ; However this is how I grew to like Van as a whiny as he is. ^^;

Is my author's notes is getting to long? Ok sorry I'll shut-up now. :x

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The Papaya Dilemma!

The desert…is a desolate shitty place to definitely get lost in. Especially when the cruel, merciless sun is whipping hotly across the sands that could burns you into ashes. 

"Ow, ow, FUCK OW! IT'S HOT!" Whines nineteen year old lieutenant Van Flyheight as he bounces up and down trying to cool though ineffectively his blistered feet. "Shit the heat is eating through my boots!"

"Shut-up and quick whining Van!" Snarled an irritated Raven, second-in command and was made Van's comrade after he helps vanquish the DeathSaurer and Prozen when the Zoids: CC series ends in the last episode. "It's your idea to play hooky from work today and go home by **WALKING**! But no, you decide to take a shortcut and we end up in this putrid hell hole." 

"If I knew that it was going to be a well over one hundred degrees today I would have stayed home with the air conditioner on!" Van strained his voice, showing signs that he is suffering from thirst.

"Oh now here is a rare sight, you're showing common sense!"

Van gritted his teeth and starts fuming. If there is one thing that annoys him about Raven is that he can always think of a better comeback than him.

"Well at least we're not working today!" Van said cheerfully, always thinking optimistically and tries to forget Raven sarcastic insults. 

"Gre~at…" Raven said flatly. (~_~) 

"Your lack of enthusiasm disturbs me!" Van accuses him. (T_T)

Raven snorts; angry anime-like tick marks grew on his forehead and his left eyes twitches in annoyance. (. xxx) "I feel entirely the same except only the other way around!" He growled through his dry thirsty throat. 

And they went on walking, trudging through an endless of thick sands. The two friends is drench in sweat and Van couldn't stop whining on how hot he is.

"I want an air conditioner!" And this is his best high pitch whine. "I want water! I want a papaya DAMNIT!" He continues on grudgingly in a disgruntled manner, moaning in utter impatience.

"Good lord where is my trusty gun when I need it? !" 

"Heathen!" Van hissed.

"And you complained like an old maid!"

"Old maid!?" Van exasperated incredulously.

For once during this insane trip, Raven is highly amused. "Yeah and I am calling you an old lady too because you complain worse than my grandma!"

"Well I never! What you're saying is pure rubbish!" (T_Txxx)

"If you think like that then you can leave on your own!"  
"Fine!" He turns around in a different direction and stomps away quickly from here,

"Fine and good riddance!" Raven snorts.

They turn their backs to each other and "Humph-ed" and stomp away in a angry huff.

__

Two minutes later, events turns even more quite bizarre…

"Hey Van come here!"

"I thought you're not talking to me!" 

Ignoring his statement, he persists. "Just come here and have a lookie, lookie!"

Van shrug and he begin to get confused. Just a moment ago, they have quarreled and now Raven temper is in good humor again! What the hell is going here?

Van trudge through the sand full with grudge and frustrated annoyance. The sand slowly filling up dust inside his boots and it's making him feeling uncomfortable as he walk every step. God he so damned annoyed by the rocks in the sand. It's makes his feet hurts! Despite that, he finally catch up to Raven and peevishly ask him what he has found.

"See there?" Raven showed him the proper direction by gesturing with a single finger. Van sees a beautiful oasis which he didn't notice before. In fact he wonders how it got there because just a moment ago it's nothing but a huge space of dry sand.

"It's probably a mirage!" He deduced. "There isn't oasis right there in first place as I remember it!"

"Well fine, have it your way," Raven pouts in feign sourness. "But when I have all of the papayas, don't come crying to me!"  
"What?!" Van goes hysterical. "You mean there papayas over there?!"

"No I'm just joking." Raven said with a huge hint of sarcasm. "I see watermelons instead."  
"Well what are waiting for? Let's get the papayas now! I'm starving!"

The two hungry stricken wretches march towards to the oasis. Like all oasis, this is one is beautiful, lush and full of greenery plant along hosting with fresh looking clean water. The oasis itself is very much real and is not a mirage. It's an small island in the middle of a moat. 

"Now you'll cross the water and fetch the papayas." Said Raven bossily.

Van blinks and stuttered unbelievably, "What? Why me? Why do I always have to do the dirty work!"

"Because I said so! Now go or else I'll destroy another military base!" Raven said smugly. "And it'll be all your fault that I ensue violence!"

Disgruntled, poor Van walk across the moat. His clothes is getting soaked and the water is seeping through his boots. He whines unhappily, cries in contempt and grew extremely cross. He knew Raven didn't mean what he said but cripes when it comes to doing work, Raven is lazy ass slacker! Why, even a much worse slacker than himself!

"I am the Lieutenant!" He complains. "My rank is higher than his and I should be able to boss him around!"

Raven, heard him mumbling respond, "Not bloody likely you can boss me around, you're too weak to do that!" He sniggered in a mocking way.

Van twitched, not knowing any good comebacks to counter-attack him. He keeps a mental note to himself that he will get back at Raven for that remark in another time.

So he cross the moat that is full of slimy yet harmless fish and then finally reach the island. Raven carefully (though there is a hint of paranoia) gazed at him as he gather a bunch of ripe papayas from a nearby small tree. (shrub?)

"Hurry up!" Raven snaps impatiently. "I'm getting hungry!" And he mean that literally because his stomach is growling intensely.

"Don't rush! I gather as much as I could!"  
"Well like your brain, you're too slow!" 

"Grrr, Shut-up, I working here!"

"Define work, you're not doing a good job at it!"

They went on quarreling and their petty bickering. When Van has gather enough papayas, he crossed the moat one more time and when he reaches the other side, he gave half of what he got to Raven. Together they sat down and start eating right. Van eats like a gluttonous pig while Raven civilly took small little polite bites and eats quietly.

It's no surprise that Van finish eating all of his fruit first. However Raven still have plenty of papayas left and for Van it's torture. Van is **STILL HUNGRY **and by gazing at Raven's papayas he grew hungrier and voracious still!

And then a idea hits him. It's crazy, it's insane and **WILL **mark his death certificate. But his stomach is motivating him to go for it. _I swear to you, you will be satisfied!_ It says. Poor Van, surrendering to his temptations, he swiftly got up to his feet and snatch all of Raven's papayas for himself!

"What the hell?" Said a startled and confused Raven. When he realized that Van has stole all of his papayas and is running away to escape from his doom, his temper has been out of proportions.

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"VAN, YOU NO-GOOD THEIVING BASTARD! GIVE ME BACK MY PAPAPYAS!" Raven yelled at him as he chased him across the desert, throwing sharp needled cactus at his head.

How does Van plead? "But I can't help it Raven-sama, I'm still **STARVING**!!!"

Raven's dissenting opinion, "You have no alibi! NOW DIE YOU THIEF!"

And when Raven finally catches up to Van he punish him by hitting him with a bamboo stick. And bamboo sticks hurts, I'm not kidding!

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~ The End ~

Notes: How bizarre is that? So much for dreams.


End file.
